1 yr. later ...

This whole nightmare started on March 21st of 2009. At 1:12 a.m Sam text me to ask if she could stay out later and if her new friend Priscilla could spend the night, of course she was already 12 mins. past her curfew so I text back NO and NO, get your butt home now. Minutes later I fell back to sleep, only to wake up at 2:12 a.m. I go to Sam's room only to find she isn't home yet, so i text her.... Sam where are you? No answer. I text again... HELLLOOOO get ur butt home now! No answer. I fell back to sleep thinking, she is gonna get it when she comes home. I guess I must have been asleep 15, maybe 20 mins. when my son comes running through my front door yelling that he got a phone call from one of his friends saying Sam had been in an accident and she didn't make it. " What do you mean she didn't make it?" I said " Don't say shit like that!" Panicking, I call the police station to see if there had in fact been a wreck, they confirmed there had been an accident with one fatality but couldn't tell me where or confirm if it was my baby. I grabbed my keys and we jump in the car in search of this wreck as we drive into La Marque I see police lights everywhere. I can never express what my heart felt at that moment, I knew it was true, I just felt it in my heart. As we walk up Mr Berry walks up and stops us from getting any closer to the accident. All I wanna know is IS IT SAM? IS SHE DEAD? He said he couldn't confirm it because she didn't have her ID on her and he couldn't ID her. The look on his face though, I knew it was her. He knew who Sam was, she was his ex-wife's cosmetology student, but he had to go through procedure and have her identified. My son being the protector that he is went to the side with him and looked at a picture of the dead teen to ID whether or not it was her. The cry he let out when he saw the picture is one i never wanna hear again. It was Sam... my worst nightmare had come true.

I didn't know where she was, I didn't know what injuries killed her, I didn't want her to be alone in a strange place. She hated to be alone at home yet alone in some strange place. We made phone call after phone call wanting to find out where her body had been taken to. WELL, the medical examiners office is closed on the weekends, exactly how do you tell someone there loved one is just dropped off in a cold room for days and you won't be able to see them or question what condition their body was in when they were brought in. I needed to know if she felt any pain, I couldnt bare to know if my baby had suffered. This was my baby girl, I couldn't bare the fact that she was dead. Now I can't even know where her body is?

Kyle is on the phone within hours of Sam passing away, he is trying to figure out how we are gonna pay for a funeral. We were not at all prepared to bury one of the kids, after all she had her whole life pretty much planned. She was on the drill team in high school, she loved to dance. Cosmetology was another thing she loved doing, it was gonna be her career, but she always said if she decided she wanted to go to college later then she could pay her way with her cosmetology experience. Marriage for Sam was out of the question, she wanted to live with us forever (seriously), but if she did ever marry then she would adopt children from third world countries. So see, no preparation needed when you look forward to seeing your child's dreams come to life. No matter how big or small the plans may be. So after the people in our community coming together we were able to plan her funeral. Thanks to Baypoint Church and Carnes Funeral Home she had the most amazing funeral it could have possibly been. Approximately 1000 people filled the church and funeral home to pay respects to Sam. It was so comforting to know she was sooo loved. She was only 17 yrs. old and touched so many lives, in such a positive way.

This past year has brought so many different emotions and obstacles our family has had to try and overcome. It hasn't been easy. I have heard a million times the saying " She is in a better place" I really do believe that because this world sucks, the whole judicial system, the government, and people are just cruel, and heaven has to be better than this after all it's Gods home, but then I think she isn't with me. I'm her mother isn't that the best place for a child to be?

I trust in God and I believe he has given me the strength to make it through this. It was God who has given me the strength to forgive Jim Howard for doing what he did to these kids and to our families. I know if you don't forgive then the anger will eat you up inside. Why would I not forgive him? He made the horrible decision to get behind the wheel and drive after a night of drinking it up with friends. Haven't we all made this horrible decision? And how many of you still drink and drive.... most of you. I can't help but not hold Jim Howard totally responsible for the death of Sam. If he was in jail for violation of his probation (sex offenders duty to register) then he wouldn't have been in a bar drinking. (which by the way is just another violation of his probation) When he the police arrived at the scene of the accident he told them that he had been drinking at Daquirita's, yet a police officers testimony of his words isn't enough to hold them responsible for over serving him. Another f&*K up in the justice system. If he had just shot someone and no one saw him or found the gun he used to shoot that person then the word of police officer could have been used to convict him of murder but yet it isn't good enough to convict this establishment of accessory to manslaughter by over serving alcohol to an individual and then allowing them to drive. Makes no sense to me. And WHY with all the alcohol related deaths now isn't someone trying to more regulate alcohol? Why is it even legal still? It obviously has just as much mind altering affects as illegal drugs do... perhaps more than some of the illegal drugs out there today. I just don't get it...