The greatest hope...

I always think of Sam... morning, noon and night. I've even had several dreams of her since she was killed. For some reason this particular night, this particular dream was so real that two days later I'm still crying. Lately I've been asking alot of God. Not only for strength but answers as to why Sam was taken from me. What was the purpose of giving me something so great only to take it from me 17 yrs later. I know, I just said the other day to a mother that I always try not to question it but for a minute I did. And that night, I had a dream of Sam.... As I stood on the front porch of an unknown house, a school bus pulled up and stopped. I'm guessing in my dream she was dead too, because she came off of this bus with her little mini skirt and ponytails in her hair like she used to wear it in Levi Fry, she even had her little back pack on that she would always wear to school. When she got off the bus I screamed her name and asked if I could just have one hug before she left again. She came to me and I hugged her so tight and I didn't want to let her go. I just kept telling her how I missed her and loved her so much. I told her how much it hurt me to lose her. She said she loved me too... "But Mom, you have to let me go, you have to go back now" As I cried and sobbed for her not to push me away she just said " Mom, I love you, you have to go now. You'll be back Mom. Don't cry Mom." As I fell on the porch crying, she disappeared. It was so real that I even remember the woodgrain of the wood the porch was made of. I woke up crying so loud but no one was home. So I wept all morning by myself and I made myself sick I cried so much. I don't know why I questioned her death... cause I say it all the time! It wasn't God that took her from me, it was Jim Howard III. And even as sad as I am right now because of this dream, I know now for sure that I'll be back with her again someday and that gives me such great hope.